Oh, the names we've been called. The disparaging comments we've had to endure. We're a lazy bunch of slackers who are just floating along on the coattails of the almighty boomers and we're not even ashamed of it! We have a lousy work ethic, don't put in more time than we absolutely HAVE to and just have no ambition.
Huh? Being a GenXr, you'll hear an awful lot of "we" in this post because, well, frankly, I know the most about this generation first-hand because I am one. And, I don't know ANYONE in my peer group who fits the above description. I also don't know of anyone in my generation who will get their knickers in a snit when they hear themselves described as such. Why? Because we've been through worse and could care less about what others think about us. In fact, we're not even sure if we're a real generation. Many think they are not part of this crazy group of people, but I've got a news flash for you - if you were born between 1965 and 1981, you too are true-blooded, all-American Gen Xr. Your formative years were the 70s, 80s and 90s and I'm sorry to say, we have a sad story to share. But don't worry, it all turns out ok in the end.
A Generation that Wasn't Wanted
As always, there are exceptions to the rule. I, for example, am a cusp kid who was born to GI Generation parents, so I was spared of much of the things the rest of my generation went through. However, the influences of society around me makes me just as much of an Xr as the next guy. I was wanted...well sort of. Six years after the last kid was born, when my mother was 41 yrs old, I'm SURE I was wanted. Even if the writing on the wall when we tore down the paneling listed all five of my siblings with a last note that said, "Kelly's one and all and LETS HOPE that's all." Then, came me. Ooops. The difference is though that I was still valued even if I was a surprise. Many of my peers and those born in the following 16 years were a true inconvience who put a damper on the lifestyles of the up and coming. We weren't cherished and appreciated by our moms and dads. We were a burden to be dealt with. Our parents (other than mine, of course) were usually Silent Generation, soon-to-be divorced - mom now in the workplace, or Boomers with a lot to prove in order to get ahead.
Harkening back to previous posts - so that you don't have to scroll down, remember Silent women were in the workplace out of necessity and Boomer women and blacks were competing for the first time against the "Company's" fair-haired white males for juicy positions. Hard work and dedication were essential and the duties of taking care of children were a huge burden on women of the time. A woman lost her edge when competing for a job because it was her responsibility to take care of the kids. Snotty noses belonged to mom - not dad. Bosses didn't like that very much. Late hours were a requirement to show dedication. Gen X were the first latch-key kids. We were the first ones to come home from school to an empty house and the first to start the casserole cooking for dinner.
Of COURSE we were loved.
Yes, our parents still loved us. They just wish we would have come along when it was more convenient. But because Boomer parents in particular were so busy, they often showed their love by showering us with gifts and things. They couldn't make the softball game, so they bought us a Pong game or some Jordache jeans. Because Boomers usually had more disposable income, we Xrs became quite accustomed to a pampered lifestyle in many cases. All of our physical needs were met, even if our emotional ones were put aside. But it really was ok, we were survivors and that term alone is probably the one that best describes our generation. Although it competes heavily with the second term that defines us. We are the world's most cynical people. Here's why.
It all fell apart.
When all previous generations were growing up, there were some things they knew they could count on.
- Married parents
- The Company would take care of Father's job
- Mother would always be at home to take care of them
- They'd always have a government they could believe in
By the time the Xrs reached our formative years, all of those foundations started to crumble:
- Divorce rates soared higher than ever before
- Father's job was being shipped overseas no matter how hard he worked and he had to compete with women and blacks who could take his job in an instant.
- Mother was out working to supplement income, survive, or pursue a career.
- We watched our president resign and our country lose a war. Presidential exploits were broadcast everywhere and the veil of privacy over their misdeeds was removed.
We heard every promise there could possibly be. We were disappointed a disproportionately large number of times and we lost our ability to trust anyone but ourselves. The result - a cynical generation. You say you have the solution? Yeah, right. Prove it. I've heard it all before.
The Gen X Island
With all of this chaos around, a solace of unprecedented proportions came along. Sesame Street. That's right - the beautiful magical world of Sesame Street became the loved and cherished babysitter for Xrs who could learn their numbers and letters from TV. We also were the first generation of kids to have personal listening devices - remember Sony Walkmans? Previously, several generations would gather around the radio or tv to enjoy a show (Think Ed Sullivan) together. No more. We Xrs had our own entertainment. And we were the first to have advertising directed only to us. We smell hype a mile away - be aware. We hate it.
Instead of relying on family, we relied on friends. Afterall, they were all in the same boat and they were there after school. We became isolated from our families in many ways while learning to take care of ourselves with little or no assistance. We didn't have any pipe dreams that we would be at least as successful as our parents. In fact, we weren't sure we would even be AROUND with all the fears of nuclear war. We didn't (and still don't) have delusions that we could save the world or save the whales. We were more interested in saving each other and local businesses or charities. We were not (and usually are not) in favor of spending precious resources overseas to help the hungry when we have hungry people right here in our towns. Gen X are less likely these days to donate to huge organizations or overseas efforts and more likely to help save a local church, school or animal shelter. We want to protect our communities because that's where we believe we'll actually make a difference.
So, what about the laziness.
HA! I say again, HA! Xrs are not lazy. We have a tremendous work-ethic. Know why? Because we were taught by the masters - the Boomers and the Silents. Our workplace changed and we had to deal with a much more scarce job market. High level corporate jobs were out of our reach and we started to notice that no matter how many hours we put in, we were just as likely to get canned because of the economy as the guy who put in his 8 hours and went home. Why bother?
We also became parents. And we were determined not to make the same mistakes our parents made. Instead of the extra hour at work, we made sure to be at every single soccer game. Yes, we would take off during the day to go to our daughter's classroom for a play. We can always get another job. We can't always get another daughter. Our priorities became much different than those priorities of our parents. We set our own work hours if we could. We preferred jobs with adequate vacation time. We value our time-off.
But we work very hard - albeit usually best all alone - not in groups. We're loners. We'll contribute to the goal, but don't make us work together as a team too much. We can get a lot more done by ourselves. Teamwork with Xrs works best if you give each team member a separate and distinct job to do and let them have at it. Don't make them work collaboratively with more than one person. It drives us crazy to have to depend on everyone else. We'd rather just do it ourselves. Xrs often feel like we're getting the job done while Boomers are having meetings about how to get the job done.
How we're ruining OUR kids.
Well, as much as I'd like to say that all this nurturing and "being there" has produced a wonderful generation to follow, I can't. We're a generation who takes responsibility for our own actions and we've taken that to an extreme. Having a child is our responsibility and sadly for many of us, our child's actions are completely and totally our responsibility. If they fail in school - our fault. If they break the rules - our fault. If they aren't perfect - our fault. And even though we like to claim responsibility, sometimes, we just can't justify that a child's inability to be perfect is our fault. Afterall, we've done everything right - so therefore, it must be the teacher's fault. Or the coaches fault. Or society's fault. We have become a nation of blame shifters and this is NOT doing our children any good.
In our desire to become a significant force in our children's lives, we've become HELICOPTER PARENTS. We hover over everything our children do. We go to every game, we go to every school function, we keep a watchful eye on our children when they are playing with their friends and intervene if someone says something mean. We monitor grades like they are the stock market and take swift action if there is a drop. We immediately make an appointment to help us understand why a teacher "gave" our child a bad grade or detention slip. Worse yet, we place a tremendous amount of pressure on our children to perform better - even if they are already doing their best. It doesn't matter if we got Bs and Cs in school. We didn't have parents who were around to help us. Our children MUST get A's and B's - preferrably just A's because we are always around for our kids. In fact, we'll do that project for them if they need us to.
This manic determination so many of us Xrs has is killing the next generation. They can't solve their own problems because their parents have solved them all for them. They often can't even go to a successful job interview because the parents come with them. I'm not kidding. They can't dispute an incorrectly graded test or incorrectly posted bill because their parents have done it for them all their lives. If we as a generation plan to ever allow our children to grow up, we have to pull back on the hovering and let kids be kids. A soccer game does not have to be organized, a child can be bullied and learn to take care of it him or herself, and a student can get a detention for not bringing in their homework. It's ok. They'll survive and learn. Raise your hand if your parents ever brought you your homework that they reminded you to take to school the next day. Seeing no hands raised, I can safely assume that you got a "0" on your homework grade or had to sit out at recess and you survived to learn to bring your homework the next day. Hmmm.
We are survivors - and we're getting ready to take the reigns
I can't end this on a bad note. Every generation can be criticized for our parenting skills. Afterall, there really is no such thing as a perfect parent. But like or not, Gen X is very close to coming into power. Boomers are retiring, so Xrs are finally moving into corporate positions and positions of leadership. We darn near got ourselves an Xr president. He's not very far off from our age group. Here are some things I predict will happen as Xrs take over in the next 10 - 20 years.
- War efforts will be on our own turf to protect our own citizens lives.
- Transparency will be tantamount. We've seen the effects of secrecy and will never allow Enron or the Catholic Church sex scandal to happen again on our watch.
- Local businesses and charities will grow stronger and enjoy tremendous financial stability.
- Out of the box thinking and actions will significantly change ideas, paradigms and formerly set-in-stone policies. Hopefully for the better.
- Workplaces and environments will change. More flexible hours. More commutes and work-at-home businessess.
- Fathers will continue to become a stronger force in the lives of their children. More equality in child-rearing.
There's always more to say about generations. More than can be included in a blog. If you'd like to add your comments, I'd love to hear what you have to say. Hope you enjoyed this LONG overdue blog post. Next generation is the millenials. Don't expect too much though. We don't know that much about them yet. But I'll share what I know. And it will be GREAT! Yeah, right.
