How are we doing?

OK, I'll start off by saying, I know that I'm going to sound like a grumpy old curmudgeon who likes to complain about simple things. While the tendency for most is to say, "Just get over it and stop sweating the small stuff!" I simply must post about this because it seems to be happening more and more and it keeps bugging me on a regular basis. What could cause such angst? The simple greeting I've been hearing from servers at restaurants lately. "How are we doing?"

I'm not sure how to answer that question. I know how I am doing. I have no idea how you are doing. I've only laid eyes on you 10 seconds ago. Do you mean, how are we - the restaurant doing? Well, I'll let you know after I've had my meal. Sometimes when I'm feeling a little ornery, I'll say, "I'm doing fine, but I'm not sure how you are doing. How are you?"

I know, I know, you're saying, "Be nice! Servers work hard to make you feel comfortable. Don't give them a hard time." I won't. I promise.

One time when I mentioned this awkward question to a server, he told me that he was trained to say that so that guests would feel included. At that point, I invited him to join us for lunch. That way, he would make me feel included. Because, in fact, we would then be a "we" instead of an "us and you."

Picky, picky, picky

Picky? Yes. But hear me out. Especially if you are a restauranteur or business owner. Don't make your employees learn some stupid gimmick to make people feel comfortable. Train them to be courteous and friendly, but don't make them use the word "we" when they really mean "you."

This is an item of contention that annoyed me when I worked in the corporate world. Customer service gurus suggested using words that we don't mean. I am not very good at that. In fact, I hate to do that. I like to be genuine. Sometimes, that offends people and when it does, I apologize and move on. I'm not saying that I'm totally tactless. Just real.

One time, I was called out for sending an email that said, "I need you to (insert whatever it was I needed here). Can you let me know if you have what you need to get this done?"

The complaint, which did not come from the email recipient, but a manager who happened to be with me at the time, was that I was too abrupt in my request. Personally, that's the way I prefer people converse with me. There is no question about what was required or who needed to perform this particular task. Supposedly, it would have been better to say, "We have a project that needs to be completed and would greatly appreciate your help in this matter." Um - who's we? All of this inclusiveness is driving me crazy. I can understand if it's a real statement, such as, "We are so pleased that you have chosen our company to ....." But why does some expert somewhere believe that by using the word "we" everyone's self esteem will go up?

I've never been accused of beating around the bush or being unclear with how I'm feeling about something. Sometimes I really wish that I could be a little gentler (see apologizing in previous paragraph) but overall, in communications, I am a staunch believer that the goal is to make it very clear.

Keep it simple - and real
Managers, if your employees are genuine and truly care about their customers, it will be obvious by the way they interact with them. Personally, I as a consumer do not need a false "we" thrown in to make me feel like I have a whole new set of friends at the restaurant. To me, it sounds just as patronizing as "hon" and a bit less genuine.

Thank you for allowing us to get that off our chest. We are feeling much better.